Timeline: 1982 Location Co Cork , Ireland .
I was living in Coolmaine just outside Killbritain County Cork and following a pleasant but meagre life with Sheelagh as a part time café owner and antique dealer in an idyllic spot on the estuary at Coolmaine . Life was simple but lovely and our little ancient "house and half" with attached café , outbuildings and our much loved double decker bus serving as a guest bedroom was a real home from home - somewhere I spent my happiest times in life and bitterly regret ever leaving.
However my dear brother Rob arrived on the scene following a catastrophic business meltdown and took up residence in our old family home in Scilly , Kinsale - a mere dozen or so miles away and set about madcap schemes and heavy drinking bouts interspersed with all manner of extraordinary behaviour and it was on one of these occasions that I was called upon to help him. Dick Spring was the newly appointed Tanaiste in the government and the price of liquor in Ireland had risen to a very high price indeed which of course encouraged many smugglers both cross Northern Ireland border and via sea and therefore the regular visits of continental shipping to Kinsale brought in many an illicit cargo in this way. The ships would anchor in the huge outer harbour whilst waiting to offload or load in the port and it was here that various local fishing boats would make a visit and buy the odd few bottles of spirits - nothing "big time" just enough for personal use and the odd bottle sold cheap to friends - but then my brother arrived!
Having been drinking all day in a Kinsale local he met up with a Dutch skipper and promised to buy his entire stock of contraband spirits which amounted to some four hundred bottles and the deal was done - but not paid for! That afternoon Rob's wife , Gina, rang me to tell me what he had done and that it was his intention to take his boat out to the outer harbour that night to collect the booze and that he was drunk and would I help? Foolishly I agreed and so the scene was set . We steamed out to the outer harbour in Rob's 38ft fishing boat and unloaded all the contraband with an English pal of his called Nigel and successfully offloaded the cargo straight into my old family home which one could bring a sizeable boat alongside as it was actually built in the water. Once the booty was stowed I heaved a sigh of relief and returned to the comfort of my dear little quiet and peaceful home hoping never to hear of it again!
Under cover of darkness that night we loaded the cargo into Rob's seven and a half ton panel van and locked it up till the following day when we took off into West Cork. There were several severe hindrances in the whole operation - the van was English registered and the vodka was extra strength Smirnoff Blue Label which one never saw in Ireland!
We called on a few of my contacts in Bandon , Timoleague and other villages but they were all put off by The Blue Label and so eventually we called on a very dear friend who had a rural pub close to Clonakilty and who was well connected when it came to various dealing! Immediately Patrick made the good point that we couldn't travel round West Cork in a ruddy great English registered panel van and so we parked up in his substantial yard and took to his battered ford car with a dozen or so bottles as "samples" . Patrick knew all the right contacts but they too were all wary of the "Blue Label syndrome" and whilst we did take orders for fifty odd bottles it was a tough nut to crack. Patrick , Rob , Nigel and I returned to Patrick's pub only to find the whole yard and pub was lit up like Christmas with blue lights everywhere and three Garda squad cars blocking the now open panel van. "Shite John the game's up - you had better not let Rob get arrested I think he will sing like a canary and you need to protect the Dutch skipper and others" shouted Patrick who had obviously formed an opinion (which was probably right) about my brother very quickly! On entering the pub a Gard said to Patrick "who does that vodka belong too Patrick ?" to which both Nigel and I replied "it's ours" while my dear brother sidled off to the loo.
So Nigel and I were taken off to Clonakily Garda station and sat down by two very friendly Gards who even bought us fish & chips as we were hungry and told us they had called "The Customs" in Bantry who were on their way to see us at which point I asked if we were under arrest to which I got the reply "not at all but we want you to wait for customs" . At this stage Nigel and I were able to speak freely and so were able to get our story straight that I procured the vodka in Rotterdam and brought it to Ireland in my double decker bus which was feasible as I had actually been in Rotterdam only six months previously in the bus returning from Morocco before crossing to England and then Ireland thereby protecting the Dutch skipper.
The two customs officers arrived and immediately split us up and for about three hours questioned us systematically about where we got the vodka but we managed to hold firm despite the fact they knew only too well it came in by ship but couldn't prove it without an admittance from us. Eventually they got frustrated , gave up and charged us with supplying untaxed vodka and returned us to two cells for what was left of the night where we well looked after by the Gardaí . The next morning brought us in front of the magistrates in Clonakilty where we bailed to appear on the south Cork circuit in Bandon in seven days time.
So began about a month of weekly court appearances on this circuit and had I not been so frightened about the possible outcome I would have relished the comedy in Irish rural courts - it was like something out of the nineteenth century with visitors drinking bottles of beer and smoking in the galleries and some of the cases that came up were downright comical in the extreme. We took on a West Cork solicitor who said he would to try and negotiate us out of this mess and after three appearances he called us into his office to explain the form - "Well the thing is the government are wanting to make an example of you to deter this sort of thing - so you may be looking at a four year sentence - however they are prepared to settle on a 4000 punt fine ( £4000.00) and of course you wont get the van or the vodka back" I was ecstatic and said that I would make sure a cheque was issued straightaway to which he replied " That's no good at all - nor is a bankers draft" "so I presume you mean cash!" - "now you've got the gist of it" was the response. It then sunk in with me that perhaps the whole £4000 would not make it back to the revenue commissioners !
I left it to my brother to get the cash - which he did and rightfully so as well ! At the final hearing it was announced " The revenue commissioners , Dublin Castle versus John *** and Nigel ****" at which point the clerk of the court whispered up to the chairman on his high dais and the chairman announced " You both have no case to answer - you are free to go".
Mad though he was I still loved my brother till the day he died.
I was living in Coolmaine just outside Killbritain County Cork and following a pleasant but meagre life with Sheelagh as a part time café owner and antique dealer in an idyllic spot on the estuary at Coolmaine . Life was simple but lovely and our little ancient "house and half" with attached café , outbuildings and our much loved double decker bus serving as a guest bedroom was a real home from home - somewhere I spent my happiest times in life and bitterly regret ever leaving.
However my dear brother Rob arrived on the scene following a catastrophic business meltdown and took up residence in our old family home in Scilly , Kinsale - a mere dozen or so miles away and set about madcap schemes and heavy drinking bouts interspersed with all manner of extraordinary behaviour and it was on one of these occasions that I was called upon to help him. Dick Spring was the newly appointed Tanaiste in the government and the price of liquor in Ireland had risen to a very high price indeed which of course encouraged many smugglers both cross Northern Ireland border and via sea and therefore the regular visits of continental shipping to Kinsale brought in many an illicit cargo in this way. The ships would anchor in the huge outer harbour whilst waiting to offload or load in the port and it was here that various local fishing boats would make a visit and buy the odd few bottles of spirits - nothing "big time" just enough for personal use and the odd bottle sold cheap to friends - but then my brother arrived!
Having been drinking all day in a Kinsale local he met up with a Dutch skipper and promised to buy his entire stock of contraband spirits which amounted to some four hundred bottles and the deal was done - but not paid for! That afternoon Rob's wife , Gina, rang me to tell me what he had done and that it was his intention to take his boat out to the outer harbour that night to collect the booze and that he was drunk and would I help? Foolishly I agreed and so the scene was set . We steamed out to the outer harbour in Rob's 38ft fishing boat and unloaded all the contraband with an English pal of his called Nigel and successfully offloaded the cargo straight into my old family home which one could bring a sizeable boat alongside as it was actually built in the water. Once the booty was stowed I heaved a sigh of relief and returned to the comfort of my dear little quiet and peaceful home hoping never to hear of it again!
Sadly it was not to be - the next day my brother was on the phone pleading "you've got to help me - I need to sell that Vodka straightaway because I haven't paid the skipper yet!" I explained to him that he really must lie low for at least a week or more as he had upset the local "economy and traditions" enough already as an English incomer and that any attempted sale in the nearby area would end in disaster . "Well can't we go west down the coast and sell it " he asked - but despite all my protestations he would have none of it and so I went back to Kinsale to try and sort something out. On arrival in Kinsale and after having spoken to various good old friends from the fishing community I was horrified to learn that the previous night's escapades were the talk of the town and it was a fair chance that the vodka would get discovered in the house anyway. I was very tempted to walk away but as "blood was thicker than water" I stupidly agreed to help.
Under cover of darkness that night we loaded the cargo into Rob's seven and a half ton panel van and locked it up till the following day when we took off into West Cork. There were several severe hindrances in the whole operation - the van was English registered and the vodka was extra strength Smirnoff Blue Label which one never saw in Ireland!
We called on a few of my contacts in Bandon , Timoleague and other villages but they were all put off by The Blue Label and so eventually we called on a very dear friend who had a rural pub close to Clonakilty and who was well connected when it came to various dealing! Immediately Patrick made the good point that we couldn't travel round West Cork in a ruddy great English registered panel van and so we parked up in his substantial yard and took to his battered ford car with a dozen or so bottles as "samples" . Patrick knew all the right contacts but they too were all wary of the "Blue Label syndrome" and whilst we did take orders for fifty odd bottles it was a tough nut to crack. Patrick , Rob , Nigel and I returned to Patrick's pub only to find the whole yard and pub was lit up like Christmas with blue lights everywhere and three Garda squad cars blocking the now open panel van. "Shite John the game's up - you had better not let Rob get arrested I think he will sing like a canary and you need to protect the Dutch skipper and others" shouted Patrick who had obviously formed an opinion (which was probably right) about my brother very quickly! On entering the pub a Gard said to Patrick "who does that vodka belong too Patrick ?" to which both Nigel and I replied "it's ours" while my dear brother sidled off to the loo.
So Nigel and I were taken off to Clonakily Garda station and sat down by two very friendly Gards who even bought us fish & chips as we were hungry and told us they had called "The Customs" in Bantry who were on their way to see us at which point I asked if we were under arrest to which I got the reply "not at all but we want you to wait for customs" . At this stage Nigel and I were able to speak freely and so were able to get our story straight that I procured the vodka in Rotterdam and brought it to Ireland in my double decker bus which was feasible as I had actually been in Rotterdam only six months previously in the bus returning from Morocco before crossing to England and then Ireland thereby protecting the Dutch skipper.
The two customs officers arrived and immediately split us up and for about three hours questioned us systematically about where we got the vodka but we managed to hold firm despite the fact they knew only too well it came in by ship but couldn't prove it without an admittance from us. Eventually they got frustrated , gave up and charged us with supplying untaxed vodka and returned us to two cells for what was left of the night where we well looked after by the Gardaí . The next morning brought us in front of the magistrates in Clonakilty where we bailed to appear on the south Cork circuit in Bandon in seven days time.
So began about a month of weekly court appearances on this circuit and had I not been so frightened about the possible outcome I would have relished the comedy in Irish rural courts - it was like something out of the nineteenth century with visitors drinking bottles of beer and smoking in the galleries and some of the cases that came up were downright comical in the extreme. We took on a West Cork solicitor who said he would to try and negotiate us out of this mess and after three appearances he called us into his office to explain the form - "Well the thing is the government are wanting to make an example of you to deter this sort of thing - so you may be looking at a four year sentence - however they are prepared to settle on a 4000 punt fine ( £4000.00) and of course you wont get the van or the vodka back" I was ecstatic and said that I would make sure a cheque was issued straightaway to which he replied " That's no good at all - nor is a bankers draft" "so I presume you mean cash!" - "now you've got the gist of it" was the response. It then sunk in with me that perhaps the whole £4000 would not make it back to the revenue commissioners !
I left it to my brother to get the cash - which he did and rightfully so as well ! At the final hearing it was announced " The revenue commissioners , Dublin Castle versus John *** and Nigel ****" at which point the clerk of the court whispered up to the chairman on his high dais and the chairman announced " You both have no case to answer - you are free to go".
Mad though he was I still loved my brother till the day he died.
Comments
Post a Comment