Timeline: 1980s Location: Shipston on Stour.
Following on from yesterday's blog I thought I would recount another couple of "Sharpy Tales".
Sharpy's sixtieth birthday started both early and well in the White Bear and after a while he announced "Bugsy dear boy I have arranged a birthday celebration for us tonight - Baggy I am not including you as you have your beautiful bride Sheelagh" Bugsy was between marriages and Sharpy was a long term divorced geezer with little chance of remarriage!
To use modern parlance the day's drinking turned "messy" - we all drank far too much (no surprise there!) as the dear old Bear let us "lock in" through the afternoon "dry" period and I began to feel relief that whatever was planned for the evening did not include me ! At about 6pm Bugsy asked what the form was for the evening - Sharpy responded "Bugsy I tell thee I have ordered two "ladies of the night" who are coming by hackney carriage from Oxford and apparently they are sisters" Sharpy then explained that he didn't want Babs to know as she would berate him for days after and therefore they should go to The White Horse (now The Falcon) and watch from the window to see when she left The Kandy Shop which they duly did.
Bugsy , who was in better shape than Sharpy , recounted the evening's events to me the following day . " We went over when Babs left and awaited the women to arrive which they duly did at about 7.30ish - they were both fairly rough and I doubted whether they were sisters though they were both Scottish - at this point Sharpy mumbled it's my birthday , I've paid and I want first choice to which of course I agreed" . So up in his little sitting room Sharpy made his choice and Bugsy took number two and they went to the two armchairs to start "canoodling procedures" but Bugsy spotted that Sharpy had fallen into a drunken slumber and never being backward in coming forward he swopped the girls as he fancied Sharpy's more and reasoned that Sharpy would never know the difference!
After their night of passion the girls left at 6.00am before the arrival of Babs and having been well remunerated for their exertions. The moral of the story or perhaps the definition of Greed is - guess who got the Clap - yes indeed poor old Bugsy!
The "revered" Frederick was a Tonkinese pussy cat who was much adored by Sharpy and indeed would follow him about to his drinking haunts in Shipston and sit on his lap whilst much Ale consumption took place . It was on one of these occasions that Maurice White announced that it was Brailes Show that afternoon and all day drinking was on the cards together with the usual sideshows , dog & cat parades etc at which point Sharpy persuaded Maurice to take him to the venue with the revered Frederick and deliver him back to the White Bear in the evening . Sharpy arrived back at The Bear with Frederick sporting a huge rosette which announced 1st Prize- Sharpy was almost in ecstasy , puffed up with pride & Hook Norton beer and a smile from ear to ear. He didn't last long and wobbled off home with Frederick scampering after him .
The next day he came into the pub at lunchtime in an extremely morose state and almost in tears - he recounted " I went home, turned the telly on , sat in the armchair with Frederick on my lap and fell into the arms of Morpheus" - "at about 1.00am the telly was making an awful squealing sound so I got up and turned it of and returned to my chair and back into the arms of Morpheus - it was not till 6.00am that I realised Freddie had got in the chair when I had turned the telly off and my ruddy drunken 18 stones had squashed him stone dead" . Very sad .
Following on from yesterday's blog I thought I would recount another couple of "Sharpy Tales".
Sharpy's sixtieth birthday started both early and well in the White Bear and after a while he announced "Bugsy dear boy I have arranged a birthday celebration for us tonight - Baggy I am not including you as you have your beautiful bride Sheelagh" Bugsy was between marriages and Sharpy was a long term divorced geezer with little chance of remarriage!
To use modern parlance the day's drinking turned "messy" - we all drank far too much (no surprise there!) as the dear old Bear let us "lock in" through the afternoon "dry" period and I began to feel relief that whatever was planned for the evening did not include me ! At about 6pm Bugsy asked what the form was for the evening - Sharpy responded "Bugsy I tell thee I have ordered two "ladies of the night" who are coming by hackney carriage from Oxford and apparently they are sisters" Sharpy then explained that he didn't want Babs to know as she would berate him for days after and therefore they should go to The White Horse (now The Falcon) and watch from the window to see when she left The Kandy Shop which they duly did.
Bugsy , who was in better shape than Sharpy , recounted the evening's events to me the following day . " We went over when Babs left and awaited the women to arrive which they duly did at about 7.30ish - they were both fairly rough and I doubted whether they were sisters though they were both Scottish - at this point Sharpy mumbled it's my birthday , I've paid and I want first choice to which of course I agreed" . So up in his little sitting room Sharpy made his choice and Bugsy took number two and they went to the two armchairs to start "canoodling procedures" but Bugsy spotted that Sharpy had fallen into a drunken slumber and never being backward in coming forward he swopped the girls as he fancied Sharpy's more and reasoned that Sharpy would never know the difference!
After their night of passion the girls left at 6.00am before the arrival of Babs and having been well remunerated for their exertions. The moral of the story or perhaps the definition of Greed is - guess who got the Clap - yes indeed poor old Bugsy!
The next day he came into the pub at lunchtime in an extremely morose state and almost in tears - he recounted " I went home, turned the telly on , sat in the armchair with Frederick on my lap and fell into the arms of Morpheus" - "at about 1.00am the telly was making an awful squealing sound so I got up and turned it of and returned to my chair and back into the arms of Morpheus - it was not till 6.00am that I realised Freddie had got in the chair when I had turned the telly off and my ruddy drunken 18 stones had squashed him stone dead" . Very sad .
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