Timeframe : Circa 1979 Location Knowle , Warwickshire.
Sheelagh and I had returned from our first of many trips to North Africa and were staying at Hill House , Pathlow with my dear friend James Henry Lloyd known by all as Lloydie or Jim.
There are many tales to come about dear Lloydie so at this stage I will merely give you an overview of the situation - he resided in a huge old house just north of Stratford upon Avon surrounded by a permanent gypsy site which I believe to be still there. His much younger wife , Jojo, and about eight old men on social security were housed there together with the occasional paying guest who was passing by. It was a bizarre set up but in an old fashioned way it seemed to work , Lloydie would arise relatively early to cook the mens' breakfast which he invariably served in his underpants and vest before dressing for the day ahead which was a constant all day drinking marathon in the various hostelries of Warwickshire - it was a game he knew well and he seemed able to ferret out the all day drinking establishments with relative ease - a market here , a club with extended hours there etc.
As you may imagine Lloydie had lost his driving licence on at least three occasions and at the time was on an extended ban so our terms for staying at Hill House were that our rent was free as long as I drove him about - which I readily and thankfully accepted . It was on one such occasion that Lloydie informed me that he had received a parcel of twenty cheap hams which were a bit "past it" from one of his many slightly dodgy acquaintances and that he wanted to "knock them out" . There were all kinds of foodstuffs that he seemed to obtain from these sources and I recall the vast catering sized tins that appeared from the "back door" of Stratford Canners without any labels - merely a code printed on the lid which Lloydie claimed he always knew however, sadly , he rarely did and whilst cooking the mens' breakfast he would open what he thought was a huge can of baked beans only to find it was prunes or some such!
So with the questionable hams loaded into the back of our left hand drive VW bus and with Sheelagh in the front and Lloydie and another dear friend, Richard Williams, we set off at about 6pm towards Knowle where Lloydie had a contact in the kitchens of The Greswolde Hotel where he hoped to sell the product . Lloydie ambled in to the kitchen with one ham and a deal was done and after I unloaded the remainder of the booty he was paid off and we immediately went to the bar and started drinking not only the profit but the whole takings! I was a little more circumspect than the others as I was driving but still had five or six pints however Lloydie and Williams were gulping down shorts at an alarming rate and were acting like naughty schoolboys by the time we got them into the back of the VW and onto the double bed therein.
Eventually we set off homeward on the Warwick road past Bats Hall and down Stripes Hill with me driving on the left and Sheelagh in the passenger seat on the right in our old lhd bus when to my horror I noticed there were Police blue lights at the bottom of the hill just before a junction on Rotten Road bends. Lloydie and Williams were rolling round on the bed at the back and laughing so after managing to shut them up I said to Sheelagh "We will have to stop at the accident - the Police will come to your side so just pretend you are holding a steering wheel , wind the window down and in a soft , sexy Irish accent ask the way to Lapworth - it's a longshot but worth a try" As expected a young officer did indeed go to Sheelagh's side not realising it was left hand drive and explained there had been an accident and she duly asked for directions - which he gave her! I drove away past the lights of the accident with my hands on the very bottom of the steering wheel and turned off for Lapworth ! Phew !
Sheelagh and I had returned from our first of many trips to North Africa and were staying at Hill House , Pathlow with my dear friend James Henry Lloyd known by all as Lloydie or Jim.
There are many tales to come about dear Lloydie so at this stage I will merely give you an overview of the situation - he resided in a huge old house just north of Stratford upon Avon surrounded by a permanent gypsy site which I believe to be still there. His much younger wife , Jojo, and about eight old men on social security were housed there together with the occasional paying guest who was passing by. It was a bizarre set up but in an old fashioned way it seemed to work , Lloydie would arise relatively early to cook the mens' breakfast which he invariably served in his underpants and vest before dressing for the day ahead which was a constant all day drinking marathon in the various hostelries of Warwickshire - it was a game he knew well and he seemed able to ferret out the all day drinking establishments with relative ease - a market here , a club with extended hours there etc.
As you may imagine Lloydie had lost his driving licence on at least three occasions and at the time was on an extended ban so our terms for staying at Hill House were that our rent was free as long as I drove him about - which I readily and thankfully accepted . It was on one such occasion that Lloydie informed me that he had received a parcel of twenty cheap hams which were a bit "past it" from one of his many slightly dodgy acquaintances and that he wanted to "knock them out" . There were all kinds of foodstuffs that he seemed to obtain from these sources and I recall the vast catering sized tins that appeared from the "back door" of Stratford Canners without any labels - merely a code printed on the lid which Lloydie claimed he always knew however, sadly , he rarely did and whilst cooking the mens' breakfast he would open what he thought was a huge can of baked beans only to find it was prunes or some such!
So with the questionable hams loaded into the back of our left hand drive VW bus and with Sheelagh in the front and Lloydie and another dear friend, Richard Williams, we set off at about 6pm towards Knowle where Lloydie had a contact in the kitchens of The Greswolde Hotel where he hoped to sell the product . Lloydie ambled in to the kitchen with one ham and a deal was done and after I unloaded the remainder of the booty he was paid off and we immediately went to the bar and started drinking not only the profit but the whole takings! I was a little more circumspect than the others as I was driving but still had five or six pints however Lloydie and Williams were gulping down shorts at an alarming rate and were acting like naughty schoolboys by the time we got them into the back of the VW and onto the double bed therein.
Eventually we set off homeward on the Warwick road past Bats Hall and down Stripes Hill with me driving on the left and Sheelagh in the passenger seat on the right in our old lhd bus when to my horror I noticed there were Police blue lights at the bottom of the hill just before a junction on Rotten Road bends. Lloydie and Williams were rolling round on the bed at the back and laughing so after managing to shut them up I said to Sheelagh "We will have to stop at the accident - the Police will come to your side so just pretend you are holding a steering wheel , wind the window down and in a soft , sexy Irish accent ask the way to Lapworth - it's a longshot but worth a try" As expected a young officer did indeed go to Sheelagh's side not realising it was left hand drive and explained there had been an accident and she duly asked for directions - which he gave her! I drove away past the lights of the accident with my hands on the very bottom of the steering wheel and turned off for Lapworth ! Phew !
Comments
Post a Comment