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The Great Irish Vodka Smuggling Affair!

Timeline: 1982 Location Co Cork , Ireland . I was living in Coolmaine just outside Killbritain County Cork and following a pleasant but meagre life with Sheelagh as a part time café owner and antique dealer in an idyllic spot on the estuary at Coolmaine . Life was simple but lovely and our little ancient  "house and half" with attached café , outbuildings and our much loved double decker bus serving as a guest bedroom was a real home from home - somewhere I spent my happiest times in life and bitterly regret ever leaving. However my dear brother Rob arrived on the scene following a catastrophic business meltdown and took up residence in our old family home in Scilly , Kinsale - a mere dozen or so miles away and set about madcap schemes and heavy drinking bouts interspersed with all manner of extraordinary behaviour and it was on one of these occasions that I was called upon to help him. Dick Spring was the newly appointed Tanaiste in the government and the ...
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Condoms to Cash and Condoms in Tangiers

Timeline: 1960s - Location: Ireland & 1980s Tangiers Morocco As a young man in the 1960s I looked for various ways to fund my summer holidays in Kinsale , Co Cork and found that young people were always on the look out for contraceptives which were not freely available in Ireland at the time on account of the harsh Catholic stance and so finding a ready market amongst the Bohemian and Hippy communities which often were to be found  at Charles Fort just outside Summer Cove was indeed relatively easy and I took substantial orders for my return trip. Back in England I drove to a wholesale supplier in Birmingam and purchased 3000 condoms at a very satisfactory rate but was worried that I might not be able to sell all in a short space of time however on my return to Ireland with three suitcases on the ferry and absolutely no trouble at the Irish border end in Cork I am glad to say that I quadrupled my investment and "sold out" in less than a week once the ...

The Travels Of Fin - Part Two

Polly drove the twenty odd miles to the Warwick University campus and at 11.30 am she was knocking on the door of Professor Tom Wilkes, in the history faculty. Prof Wilko as he was known by many was a giant of a man who had more the appearance of a retired rugby player with his rather wild hair and generally unkempt look than that of the erudite and highly intelligent scholar that he was.    “Morning Polly “he boomed “are we going to explore the language of the sixteenth century and the Shakespeare effect today?”   “Well actually Prof – I wondered if you would have a look at this” she retorted as she passed across Fin’s scruffy file. Prof opened the file and gently extracted the parchment “good Lord this is most interesting – where on earth did you get it?” – “can’t really say Prof - he is a good friend and he asked me to keep it on the QT” The prof pushed his glasses upon his nose, puffed, nodded and drew a sharp intake of breath in quick succession   - “ Mm ...

The Travels of Fin Part One - A book in Many Parts

A riveting jolt shot through Finbarr’s body bringing to half-life the sodden mess that lay on the bed in the dingy flat bedroom. Slowly Finbarr Geoffrey Denham, known to the world as “Fin”, slowly opened one eye and winced as the eyelid peeled back like rough sandpaper, meanwhile his left hand appeared from under the unwashed duvet and felt round the night table for the faint chance of a cigarette which met with relative success as there were two remaining in the crumpled pack. Slowly whilst trying to cough and inhale the nicotine rush at the same time Fin started to take stock of the situation; with daylight coming through the ill-fitting curtains and the passing of a speeding underpowered motorbike Fin knew it was daytime and a quick glance at his ancient wristwatch confirmed that it was 10.50am. Despite the name, Fin is not Irish and is the product of two Anglo-Saxon middle class parents who considered that all things Irish were romantic and inspired. Generally this has held ...

The Extraordinary Incident on Stripes Hill

Timeframe : Circa 1979 Location Knowle , Warwickshire. Sheelagh and I had returned from our first of many trips to North Africa and were staying at Hill House , Pathlow with my dear friend James Henry Lloyd known by all as Lloydie or Jim. There are many tales to come about dear Lloydie so at this stage I will merely give you an overview of the situation - he resided in a huge old house just north of Stratford upon Avon surrounded by a permanent gypsy site which I believe to be still there. His much younger wife , Jojo, and about eight old men on social security were housed there together with the occasional paying guest who was passing by. It was a bizarre set up but in an old fashioned way it seemed to work , Lloydie would arise relatively early to cook the mens' breakfast which he invariably served in his underpants and vest before dressing for the day ahead which was a constant all day drinking marathon in the various hostelries of Warwickshire - it was a game he knew wel...

Bumble , The Cossack & Pog the Dog

Timeline: Circa 1985 Location : Shipston on Stour I had the great honour of knowing one of life's real gentlemen - one Bob Westaway of Idlicote who at this time would have been about 80 years old and had a dog called Pog. Bob's nickname to all was "Bumble" because he really did bumble about in a very old fashioned sort of a way. Pog the dog was so named because when he was an unnamed youngster Bumble decided to paint the word "DOG" on his bowl so it didn't get mixed up with Bumble's stew bowl and therefore carefully painted it on the said bowl in black gloss but the letter "D" ran badly and so spelt the word POG . Bumble's simplistic and lovely attitude meant the dog became called  POG ! Now Bumble lived in a pleasing old cottage in the village of Idlicote and went everywhere with Pog on his ancient Russian Cossack motorcycle with Pog in the sidecar.  Bumble handled the combination well and was relatively safe for some of the time bu...

Today's Quickie - The Mistaken Jellyfish

  Timeline : 2000s Location : Greek Islands An extremely dear lady friend of mine was recounting how she had recovered from a bout of the ruddy breast cancer and unfortunately lost a breast. I am delighted to say she is as fit as a fiddle now. On her first holiday since recovery she went to The Greek Islands and enjoyed the lovely warm water swimming using her new swimsuit with a breast implant in the cup and as she put it "felt in seventh heaven" until the said device escaped out of her swimsuit and floated away . She swam after it but a man and his son got to it first believing it to be a Jellyfish and it was only after she shouted and gesticulated that the man stopped trying to thwack it to death in order that she could reclaim it and put back where it belonged!